One might say I've been in a bit of a funk the last couple of months. My emotions have been a little like a roller coaster ride. My husband and I are trying to start our family, and things of course are not going as easily or as smoothly as we'd hoped. And for the by and by, we haven't been only "trying" for a couple of months; it has been just over four years now. I had one miscarriage back in March of 2007, and no pregnancies since then. This has been very confusing and frustrating. When I was in graduate school, I focused on health and healing. I learned all kinds of things that I became really interested in. I strongly believe in the connections between mind, body, and spirit. However, when it comes to healing myself, it isn't as clear for me. I think that is how it usually goes for people, right? It is much easier to give advice when the advice isn't for oneself. I have been making more art lately, which I feel is really good for me. I've shared some of it here on this blog. The other thing that I know I need to be doing more of, is writing. I have slowly started writing again, especially about my feelings and the process we've been going through, in trying to start our family. Finally, I had a really good release of emotions last week through hours of crying. I am not sure I've really allowed myself to do that yet, in all of these years. It felt good to cry. I am really hoping these little and big steps I've been taking to get in touch with my mind, body, and spirit will be helpful in this process. I am going to try to do yoga more regularly, as well as take walks after work with my husband. I think I mostly need to remember to breathe, have faith, keep creating, and keep working on my relationship with my spouse.
"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony." Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948)
5 comments:
I'm so sorry Briana. Childlessness issues are very difficult and something I had to go through myself. I have many friends who have gone through this as well, some with more children than they know what to do with now. Hoping for a good outcome for you too : )
I am so sorry for your very real pain ... I think you are right on track ... keep working ... I too had many motherless days of wondering ... when ... if ... praying for your family ... right now.
Briana, thank you so much for sharing your experience. My husband & I have gone through very similar issues, including two miscarriages. I learned that it is not only okay, but actually very necessary to grieve these losses.
I hope your time of reflection and grief this past weekend bring some peace.
HI Lynn and Sonya,
Thank you so much for your comments. You are dear souls!
-Briana
Thank you, JennL!
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